swingsets by moonlight

rain

2011-09-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

The third day of grey and rain and sixty-degree weather makes me wonder if God is trying to erase all memory of summer from my consciousness. Maybe it's a good thing I forget the carefree feeling of warm air on my legs and sunshine on my eyelids; it will leave me cleansed of frivolity and prepared for another nine months of hard, hard, hard, hard work. Still, dry sidewalks would be nice for my walk to school...

the corrections

2011-07-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

I just finished this book by Jonathan Franzen and I can NOT get it out of my head. It is about Americans as they truly are, one of those books that makes you feel certain the author was writing about you and your life and makes you wonder why nobody has written a book like this before. It's distracting and beautiful. It made me sad.

new leaf

2011-06-13T17:19:00.001-07:00

I am Summertime Brianna, hear me ROAR.

note to self

2011-05-31T13:27:00.001-07:00

No matter what happens, it will be okay.
You love as hard as you can.

i'm not sorry

2011-05-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

I have never hated the weather more.

Cincinnati has fallen out of orbit and will from here on out stop experiencing the seasons; instead, we will have perpetual 55 degrees and rainy.

I miss Kansas.
I miss Minnesota.
I miss California.

Take me away from here.

(but I'm studying music so that makes it all okay.)

try harder

2011-03-06T15:45:00.001-08:00

I am pretty bad at managing my money, I guess.

Frustrating, because I feel like I am relatively proactive about going after it... maybe not proactive enough, though. Proactive in Collegetown, KS is a lot different from proactive in Cincinnati, OH, and unfortunately my bank account is beginning to reflect my inability to recognize that difference up to this point.

UGH, money... it's always seemed more like a nuisance than a tool to me... my students pay me, sure, but I would do what I do without being paid if there was some way for me to not starve in the process. Being able to support yourself as a musician definitely means constant vigilance and self-promotion... you must keep your website clean and update it often to keep people coming back, you must send out e-mail asking for gigs on a weekly basis, you must advertise yourself as a teacher and always be prepared for someone to quit at a moment's notice, you must practice every single day so that your skills stay in tip-top shape, you must learn your music quickly and accurately, and even after all of that you are always always always expected to perform with passion, reaching out to the hearts of your audience members and allowing them to experience the emotions of the music you are playing...

Yeah, this is hard. But I love it. So I will just have to try harder. That's all there is.

output

2011-02-09T20:11:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt like blogging much in the past year or so. Nor have I journaled much, at least, not as much as I used to. I've been sitting here analyzing myself and how I have changed (for better or worse) over the past year, and the only reason I can come up with is this: When I blog, it's because I am searching for something; I feel a sense of longing and I'm not sure what it is I'm longing for so I release all of my anxiety and tension through this... this... output.

The truth is, though, that I am happy. I am exhausted most (all) of the time and I get very stressed out and angry sometimes, and there's the loneliness and the sadness and every other emotion that humans are supposed to experience, it's all mixed into the day-to-day concoction that is my life, but underneath that all runs a current of such pure JOY that I don't mind the bumps in the road. It would be boring to be in a good mood all the time, anyway.

I think that some of that joy is made possible by what I spend my days doing, what I have chosen to immerse myself in... and trust me I realize this may come across as corny or stereotypical but... music acknowledges life as it is, and it has this ability to address with bare-faced truth-telling honesty what it means to exist as a human... and I am so so so so so SO lucky to be a part of all that.

So yes, there's that.

welcome to california

2010-07-15T13:35:00.000-07:00

I really love it here.

The weather's great -- tops out between 85 and 90 in the afternoons but you hardly notice from all the shade -- it never rains -- the mornings are nice and cool. My first day here was a little chilly but everything is so beautiful I really honestly don't mind. Plus there's free coffee all day at the cafeteria, so if I'm feeling tired or cold I just go grab another cup.

The trees!!! This is going to sound obvious but... they're so tall... it's like living in a great big child-filled pine-needle smelling outdoor cathedral. If you stand and look up at the tops of the trees you feel like you're being lifted up off your feet. I've noticed how relaxed I feel, and I think it's because of the trees.

Of course, the people out here help as well. Whoever did my tentmate assignment hit the nail on the head -- her name is Sarah and she's as extroverted as I am, plus she's really nice and super hilarious. We spent last night up late talking, which I'm sure drove the people around us nuts. The other piano instructor is so kind and incredibly talented -- her name is Meagan, and I think we work really well as a team. All of the other instructors and counselors are just fun, relaxed, happy people, which creates a great atmosphere for getting work done and having a great time while doing it. Even our bosses know how to push people around with smiles on their faces.

The kids have knocked my socks off, man oh man. We have ten campers aged 11 to almost 14, and you would not believe the level of musicality and intelligence they have displayed in the three days we've been working with them. We've got our first concert on Sunday, and we're currently working up a bunch of duets to perform with them. Next week's concert will be on Saturday, and hopefully for that we'll throw in a little variety -- some solos, some chamber music, and maybe even some jazz piano. And man, talk about an abundance of personality! From happy little "look-at-me" Katie to chilled-out jazzer Jack to Roman, our philosopher, we've pretty much got all the bases covered.

As far as accommodations go, it's definitely "rustic", as I was warned. We sleep on elevated wooden platforms with wooden tent-like frames which are covered with canvas, creating a little tent. I have a cot with a sleeping bag and a pillow, and nails to hang my clothes and towel on. There's a shower cabin nearby with a washer and dryer, running water, electricity, etc, and then there's also the lodge and cafeteria, which have floors and a roof and walls, although the staff always eat outside on the back deck of the lodge. I have two rooms full of electric pianos to teach on, and outside a few keyboards are also on the deck attached to those rooms. The whole camp is arranged alongside a shallow brook (they call it a river but it's not) that runs with clear, freezing cold water. On the other side of the river, which you can access by walking across a very rickety bridge, you find a really nice little bakery with pizza, bread, pastries, sandwiches, coffee, Italian soda, and beer (and wi-fi!), but it's only open on certain days of the week.

I was really worried about feeling cabin fever without a car, but thankfully all the faculty and staff like to get off campus as much as possible. Last night I went into Santa Rosa to run some errands and grab a beer, and tonight we're driving to the beach to go cliff-walking. I'll bring my camera and post some pictures as soon as I can.

So yeah, like I said. Pretty great.

obama's state o' the union addy

2010-01-28T21:15:00.000-08:00

Thumbs up:

"From the day I took office, I have been told that addressing our larger challenges is too ambitious - that such efforts would be too contentious, that our political system is too gridlocked, and that we should just put things on hold for awhile. For those who make these claims, I have one simple question: How long should we wait? How long should America put its future on hold? You see, Washington has been telling us to wait for decades, even as the problems have grown worse. Meanwhile, China's not waiting to revamp its economy. Germany's not waiting. India's not waiting. These nations aren't standing still. These nations aren't playing for second place. They're putting more emphasis on math and science. They're rebuilding their infrastructure. They are making serious investments in clean energy because they want those jobs. Well I do not accept second-place for the United States of America."

Thumbs down (these ideas are mostly still very, very dirty energy):

"But to create more of these clean energy jobs, we need more production, more efficiency, more incentives. That means building a new generation of safe, clean nuclear power plants in this country. It means making tough decisions about opening new offshore areas for oil and gas development. It means continued investment in advanced biofuels and clean coal technologies. And yes, it means passing a comprehensive energy and climate bill with incentives that will finally make clean energy the profitable kind of energy in America."

Haha, I love his wording here:

"I know that there are those who disagree with the overwhelming scientific evidence on climate change." [insert sarcastic tone here]

Thumbs up, hopefully:

"When we renew the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, we will work with Congress to expand these reforms to all fifty states. Still, in this economy, a high school diploma no longer guarantees a good job. I urge the Senate to follow the House and pass a bill that will revitalize our community colleges, which are a career pathway to the children of so many working families. To make college more affordable, this bill will finally end the unwarranted taxpayer-subsidies that go to banks for student loans. Instead, let's take that money and give families a $10,000 tax credit for four years of college and increase Pell Grants. And let's tell another one million students that when they graduate, they will be required to pay only ten percent of their income on student loans, and all of their debt will be forgiven after twenty years — and forgiven after ten years if they choose a career in public service. Because in the United States of America, no one should go broke because they chose to go to college. And it's time for colleges and universities to get serious about cutting their own costs — because they too have a responsibility to help solve this problem."

Interesting wording here. Not health CARE reform, you see:

"And it is precisely to relieve the burden on middle-class families that we still need health insurance reform."<

Love moment:

Michelle Obama motioning for the United States Congress to "sit down". HA!

I'm not sure how to feel about this (like... ALL other discretionary government programs? and what exactly is the definition of "discretionary"???):

"Starting in 2011, we are prepared to freeze government spending for three years. Spending related to our national security, Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security will not be affected. But all other discretionary government programs will. Like any cash-strapped family, we will work within a budget to invest in what we need and sacrifice what we don't. And if I have to enforce this discipline by veto, I will."

At least he's layin' down the law like a big man.

Key point in this one --- investing in people without creating debt.... yes yes yes yes yes.... and then his points about restoring trust in the government... this is why I voted for this man:

"Rather than fight the same tired battles that have dominated Washington for decades, it's time to try something new. Let's invest in our people without leaving them a mountain of debt. Let's meet our responsibility to the citizens who sent us here. Let's try common sense. To do that, we have to recognize that we face more than a deficit of dollars right now. We face a deficit of trust — deep and corrosive doubts about how Washington works that have been growing for years."

He continues with eloquence:

"What frustrates the American people is a Washington where every day is Election Day. We cannot wage a perpetual campaign where the only goal is to see who can get the most embarrassing headlines about their opponent - a belief that if you lose, I win. Neither party should delay or obstruct every single bill just because they can. The confirmation of well-qualified public servants should not be held hostage to the pet projects or grudges of a few individual Senators. Washington may think that saying anything about the other side, no matter how false, is just part of the game. But it is precisely such politics that has stopped either party from helping the American people. Worse yet, it is sowing further division among our citizens and further distrust in our government. So no, I will not give up on changing the tone of our politics. I know it's an election year. And after last week, it is clear that campaign fever has come even earlier than usual. But we still need to govern."

I wish he would have said so, so, so much more about this, but unfortunately this is still an issue that is just too controversial to garner more than a line or two in his speech (plus there are so many other much more pressing issues):

"This year, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve the country they love because of who they are."

Lastly:

"And what keeps me going - what keeps me fighting - is that despite all these setbacks, that spirit of determination and optimism - that fundamental decency that has always been at the core of the American people - lives on... The spirit that has sustained this nation for more than two centuries lives on in you, its people. We have finished a difficult year. We have come through a difficult decade. But a new year has come. A new decade stretches before us. We don't quit. I don't quit. Let's seize this moment - to start anew, to carry the dream forward, and to strengthen our union once more."

One of the things I appreciate most about Obama is his positive attitude -- when I hear him speak, I feel reassured, calm, and safe. I am a young person just emerging into adulthood during a very turbulent time in our nations history, and honestly, it's very scary and at times extremely overwhelming. Even if I disagree with his wording on certain issues, I feel I can trust Obama at the helm. He is doing a good job as our president.

french toast sunday

2009-12-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Sundays are the day for making and eating French toast. Especially with black black black coffee and NPR on my kitchen stereo.

I give you: Egg Nog French Toast with Bourbon Walnut Maple Syrup

solo e pensoso

2009-12-09T09:26:00.001-08:00

Alone and pensive, the deserted fields

I measure with steps deliberate and slow;

and my eyes I hold in readiness to flee

from a place marked by human footsteps.

No other defense I find that can save me

from the peering eyes of people;

because when laughter and cheer are spent,

from outside can be read my inner flame.

So I have come to believe that mountains and beaches

and rivers and woods know of what fibers

is made my life, hidden from others.

Yet paths neither so rough nor wild

can I find where Cupid does not seek me always

to debate with me, and I with him.

- Francesco Petrarch

more food

2009-10-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

No pictures this time, but here's what I cooked today:

1. Stuffed baked potatoes (I put onions, basil, and parmesan in mine...)

2. Cranberry Oatmeal Cookies!

3. Kielbasa Stew with Kale and Cannelloni Beans

Definitely delicious. Oy.

Also made a run to the thrift store and got a preeeeetty necklace, two Halloween costume possiblities (Audrey Hepburn, or zombie Clara Schumann?), two glasses for my bathroom, and four new tumblers for whiskey escapades at home. Good good good good day.

how to cure a cold

2009-10-10T19:59:00.001-07:00

With vegetable porn and pork stew, of course!

This pile of gorgeousness...

Became these two piles of deliciousness...

And now I'm cured! No more cold! Plus I've got delicious leftovers for a week or so.

Here's what I made (magic clicky things):

Pork Stew

Soba Noodle Salad

Spicy Chicken and Penne

Spinach Egg Salad

What a perfect little October afternoon.

first ten days list

2009-09-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

Things I did during my first ten days in Cincinnati:

1. Pissed off my landlords. First, I asked them if I could paint the walls, and was adamantly told "NO". Then, I complained about the medicine chest in the bathroom (which really is quite hideous) and asked if I could replace it. Once again, "NO". Then, quite without thinking about it, I hung some shelves, which apparently is a huge breach of my lease agreement. Oops.

2. Bought a new computer!!! A beautiful 13-inch MacBook Pro. Came with a free ipod touch and everything. Fancy schmancy.

3. Met my neighbors. A recently divorced professor with two kids, two med students, both named Aaron, three female foreign exchange students from India, and me. Plus a dental hygienist next door. All really nice, so far.

4. Bought a piano! It's adorable, and it's really hard for me not to play it 24/7. I got it from the sweetest Baptist minister and his church-music-lady wife. They live across the river in Erlanger, KY, and we totally bonded. I'm going to ask them over for dinner soon.

5. Met a guy named Fatty. Okay actually his name is Fady, which is Egyptian, but still.

6. Gave my number to a 19-year-old thinking he was at least 23.

7. Rode my bike to a farmers market with a girl in tie-dye and a guy with dreads, followed by sitting around a campfire in an urban garden space with six hippies, splitting a six-pack, and passing around a doobie, all while talking about how it'll be great when mankind realizes that this is the end of human civilization as we know it and comes together as one. Also with said hippies, explored a seven-story abandoned warehouse. Coolest. Thing. Ever.

8. Walked and walked and walked, hanging advertisements for my piano studio (The Grand Piano Studio, http://thegrandpianostudio.weebly.com)

9. Discovered that they do, in fact, have an IKEA in Ohio. The same day I also saw Julie & Julia by myself and cried my little eyes out.

10. Bought fancy cheese at Findley Market. Manchego. It's a harder cheese made from goat's milk in the same Spanish region that Don Quixote was from, La Mancha. I highly recommend it, especially shredded on salads and/or pasta.

11. Drove to Ann Arbor and back for a lovely little 24-hour visit with my good friend Nick Susi.

combinations list

2009-09-02T05:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, all you need are the basics. But every once in a while, you take two and put them together and POW it's like your whole world has been altered. For example...

1. Peanut butter and honey

2. Milk and Oreos

3. Steak and A1

4. Apples and cheese (preferably crisp apples and sharp cheese)

5. Beer and a burger

6. Bread and butter (best when toasty)

7. Cheez-Its and wine

8. Chocolate and... well pretty much anything, actually

9. Iced tea with lemon

10. Biscuits and gravy

11. Nuts and caramel

pre-school list

2009-07-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

The wonderful things that happen to me at work (a pre-school/daycare for 2-6 years olds only):

1. Ava gets discouraged and says "Aw nuts!"
2. Ibrahim kicks the ball over the fence and says "Aw snaps!"
3. I catch Ethan staring at me and he blushes and grins at me before looking away.
4. Evan calls me "Breathe" except he can't say his th's right so it comes out "Breeve".
5. No matter when or where, everyone is overwhelmingly enthusiastic about the prospect of dancing.
6. Carter acts all fatherly to me just because he's the oldest kid there.
7. A fight ensues pretty much every day over the coveted pink hula hoop, usually ending with Maile winning, Lia crying, and Maile feeling bad and giving it to Lia anyway.
8. Ginger has this way of quietly observing and then wowing me with her thoughts about things later on, proving that wisdom has absolutely nothing to do with age.
9. Every time anyone finds a roly-poly on the patio, he is immediately either named Sam or deemed to be Sam's mommy, daddy, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, nephew, neice, or cousin -- "Hey! It's SAM!!!!"
10. The art projects are always incredbily beautiful and creative.
11. We're always glad to see you and sad to see you go. I love walking in every day. Really.

moving list

2009-07-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

Silly little things I must do in Kansas before leaving it behind:

1. Real BBQ (done)
2. Camping and/or sailing on one of their fakey fake lakes
3. Royals game on buck night (done)
4. Go to a local show (done twice over!)
5. Night out on the Plaza in KC (done)
6. Go to the art museums (half done)
7. Worlds of Fun!
8. Oceans of Fun!
9. Buy some Jayhawk gear (done)
10. Go out and hear some really good jazz in the 18th and Vine district
11. I'm going to leave number eleven up for interpretation.

baked goods list

2009-06-23T22:44:00.000-07:00

My all-time favorite baked goods:

1. Crusty hard rolls

2. Chewy chocolate chip cookies

3. Fudge brownies (no nuts, no frosting)

4. Plain old simple cheesecake

5. Buttermilk biscuits

6. Banana bread

7. Caramel rolls (NOT cinnamon rolls, the evil twin of my beloved sticky buns)

8. Apple crisp

9. Lemon annnnnyyyything

10. Oatmeal toffee cookies

11. Muffins. Or maybe pie. Or muffins. Or pie. Muffin pie?

swore i wouldn't do list

2009-06-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

Things I swore I wouldn't do that I ended up doing anyway:

1. Stay in Lawrence for another summer
2. Go to grad school for solo performance
3. Abandon my workout routine
4. Enjoy my family
5. Wear bootcut jeans, skinny jeans, heels, underwires, tights, and maxi dresses
6. Enroll in yet another semester of choir
7. Eat fish and like it
8. Watch Spiderman and like it
9. Walk away from the church
10. Buy panties that don't come in a plastic-wrapped three-pack
11. Pine for Minnesota

sitcom list

2009-06-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

This was an extremely difficult list to narrow down! I started by listing thirty shows. All-time favorites, click for video:

1. Boy Meets World
2. Family Matters
3. All in the Family
4. Bewitched
5. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
6. Full House
7. Will and Grace
8. Happy Days
9. Friends
10. I Love Lucy
11. Seinfeld

alternative jobs list

2009-06-07T21:22:00.000-07:00

Things I would be if I weren't a pianist:

1. English teacher. I almost was, in fact.
2. HR? I like people...
3. Children's book author. I'd still like to do this someday.
4. Photographer, mostly for family sittings, I think.
5. Professional organizer. Once my career takes off I'll have my own show on HGTV.
6. Co-pwner of a bakery with Sara and Lauren. I'd do the cookies, Sara would do cakes, and Lauren the bread. Perfect.
7. Musicologist/music historian. I tend to get a little obsessive when I do research... it's fun.
8. Actor. Broadway, actually. Silly, I know, but a girl can dream.
9. Something with animals, but not something weird with animals, like a zookeeper or those people who do the dolphin shows. I wish I could be more specific here...
10. Does being a stay-at-home mom count? I am fully aware of the prerequisites for this job.
11. Conductor!

shel silverstein list

2009-05-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

Some of the better poems from Where the Sidewalk Ends:

1.

2. "Ourchestra"

So you haven't got a drum, just beat your belly.
So I haven't got a horn - I'll just play my nose.
So we haven't any cymbals-
We'll just slap our hands together,
And though there may be orchestras
That sound a little better
With their fancy shiny instruments
That cost and awful lot-
Hey, we're making music twice as good
By playing what we've got!

3. "Listen to the Mustn'ts"

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child,
Listen to the DON'TS
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me--
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.

4. "Rain"

I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.

5. "Lester" (excerpt)

In a world of apples and kisses and shoes
He wasted his wishes on wishing.

6. "Alice"

She drank from a bottle called DRINK ME
And up she grew so tall,
She ate from a plate called TASTE ME
And down she shrank so small.
And so she changed, while other folks
Never tried nothin' at all.

7. "Shadow Wash"

I've never washed my shadow out
In all the time I've had it.
It was absolutely filthy I supposed,
And so today I peeled it off
The wall where it was leaning
And stuck it in the washtup
With the clothes.
I put in soap and bleach and stuff,
I let it soak for hours,
I wrung it out and hung it out to dry,
And whoever would have thunk
That it would have gone and shrunk
For now it's so much
Littler than I.

8. "Chester"

Chester come to school and said
"Durn, I growed another head."
Teacher said, "It's time you knowed
The word is 'grew' instead of 'growed.'"

9. "Forgotten Language"

Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers. . . .
How did it go?
How did it go?

10. "Where the Sidewalk Ends"

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

11. "Sky Seasoning"

A piece of sky
Broke off and fell
Through the crack in the ceiling
Right into my soup,
KERPLOP!
I really must state
That I usually hate
Lentil soup, but I ate
Every drop!
Delicious delicious
(A bit like plaster),
But so delicious, goodness sake--
I could have eaten a lentil-soup lake.
It's amazing the difference
A bit of sky can make.

internet addictions list

2009-05-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

I can't stop:

1. Twittering. (What?)
2. www.skinnyvscurvy.com - My version of a trashy magazine.
3. Youtube, obviously.
4. KenKen on the NYTimes website.
5. Recipes recipes recipes...
6. Dreaming of ways to decorate my apartment from West Elm.
7. Seeking that potential apartment on craigslist.
8. Facebook quizzes. Oy.
9. Flickr photos. I have a new desktop background almost daily.
10. Polyvore, but I swear to god I am not a seventeen-year-old girl.
11. NPR Music!

dresses list

2009-05-05T20:35:00.000-07:00

Dresses I would very much enjoy wearing, courtesy of forever21.com:
1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

(This post is mostly for you, Megh.) :)

last things list

2009-05-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

Things I will be doing for the last time in the next four months:

1. Performing with Concert Choir
2. Attending class as an undergraduate
3. Having a piano lesson with Professor Reber
4. Listening to KPR as I cruise down Clinton Parkway toward home
5. Coming downstairs in the morning to hear my roommate's baby daughter Amelia say "BRI!!!"
6. Teaching lessons to all my lovely piano students
7. Shopping for groceries at Checkers, sans list, singing to myself like a weirdo and really enjoying it
8. Going for a run on my 2.7 mile loop
9. Singing the Alma Mater as a non-alumnus
10. Coming home to discover that Sara/Lauren have baked something delicious
11. Showering in my purple bathroom

misunderstanding list

2009-05-01T15:42:00.000-07:00

Things I do not understand:

1. Comic books
2. Doing something you hate for a living
3. Blind belief
4. Hatred of intelligence (for example, people who laugh about actually reading a book)
5. Snobby music aficionados who don't actually play an instrument
6. Racism
7. Cars
8. LOST
9. The relationship between Europe and the United States
10. People who can lie easily
11. The appeal of ham

reading list

2009-04-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

Books currently situated on my nightstand waiting for me to read them:

1. Slaughterhouse-Five - Kurt Vonnegut
2. Dune - Frank Herbert
3. The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver
4. Welcome to the Monkey House - Kurt Vonnegut
5. Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis
6. The Rest is Noise - Alex Ross
7. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
8. A Brief History of Time - Stephen Hawking
9. Throw Like a Girl - Jean Thompson
10. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
11. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

Conveniently, a list of eleven... how long do you think this will take?

cereal list

2009-04-12T05:13:00.000-07:00

Breakfast cereals that I love to eat, but usually not for breakfast:

1. Bran flakes

2. Frosted Flakes

3. Oreo O's

4. Cap'n Crunch (no berries!!)

5. Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds

6. Any granola that doesn't have raisins in it

7. Frosted Mini-Wheats

8. Lucky Charms

9. Rice Krispies Treats Cereal

10. Cheerios (preferably Honey Nut)

11. Cinnamon Life

nickelodeon list

2009-04-09T05:43:00.000-07:00

Shows I miss watching on Nickelodeon:

1. Doug -

Disney bastardized this show when they bought it out. Bastards.

2. Rugrats -

I know this is still on, too, but they just can't grow up, that's weird.

3. Hey Dude! -

How did they come up with this? "Hey guys, I've got this great concept for a show..."

4. You Can't Do That on Television -

Most people don't even remember this one. Can someone tell me what it was you couldn't say? I can't remember.

5. Nick in the Afternoon -

Not technically a tv show but a tv spot, I'm mostly including it so I can reference Stick Stickley and sing the song to annoy all of you... "Write to me, Stick Stickley, PO Box 963..."

6. Tiny Toons/Loony Toons -

That's all folks.

7. Legends of the Hidden Temple or GUTS -

It's a tie. I seriously cannot decide which was more of a thrill. And still is.

8. Hey Arnold! -

Apparently they do really well with exclamatory titles.

9. Muppet Babies -

I seriously loved this show. I must have a thing for little people in animated form.

10. Clarissa Explains It All -

Who wouldn't want their best friend to enter their room via ladder?

11. Are You Afraid of the Dark? -

Yes.

driving list

2009-04-02T22:13:00.000-07:00

My favorite things to do while driving:

1. Sing to myself, sans radio. Mostly opera. And the national anthem.
2. Go through the carwash!
3. Put on my ipod, both ears, since I like to live dangerously, and jam out to bad pop songs.
4. Collect things to talk about and to make me sound smart from NPR news.
5. Try to find a street in Lawrence I've never seen before.
6. This sounds really creepy, I realize, but go through residential neighborhoods at night and peek in the windows at the colors of their walls.
7. Along the same lines, drive through residential neighborhoods during the day and look at their front porches and sidewalks.
8. Head into the country and take a dirt road for as far as I dare, then turn right or left and take another dirt road for as far as I dare. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Then try to find my way home.
9. Take pictures of the cars next to me with my cell phone camera.
10. Smoke a cigarette, but only in November at night with the windows rolled down. (Go ahead and roll your eyes, I know, I know...)
11. Drive too fast through deep puddles and splash everything everywhere.

murphy hall list

2009-03-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

Things I love about Murphy Hall:

1. Arlene, the concession stand lady. Always gives me my hot water for free.
2. Saying hello to the same person three to six times a day as we pass in the halls.
3. My practice room. The messy piano covered with papers, the smell of it, the way I have to pull on the handle to unlock it, constantly being interrupted by Eliud, my crazy Puerto-Rican roommate...
4. The fourth floor theory classroom and the windows that won't shut.
5. Swarthout in all its glory.
6. The fountain that never seems to be working quite right.
7. Basking in the sun in the courtyard.
8. Running into Dr. Winerock... "Hello, hello, how are you, how're you doing, fine, fine, fine..."
9. Singing in the choir room.
10. The couches in the third floor east hallway, where I can sit in the sun, read my paper, and eat my lunch.
11. Fifth floor din.

puctuation list

2009-03-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

My favorite punctuation marks:

1. (Parenthesis)
2. Question mark?
3. Ellipses...
4. Dash --
5. "Quotation marks"
6. Ampersands &
7. Asterisk*
8. Hyphen (but only when creating made-up hyphenated words)
9. Semi-colon;
10. Colon:
11. Backslash/

(Not a dork, not a dork, not a dork...)

salad ingredients list

2009-03-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

Best things to put in/on a salad (though probably not in this particular combination):

1. Spinach

2. Peas

3. Bean sprouts

4. Onions

5. Balsamic vinegar

6. Banana peppers

7. Broccoli

8. Tomatoes

9. Sunflower seeds

10. Chicken

11. Strawberries

worth sharing

2009-03-02T19:40:00.000-08:00

grandma's house list

2009-03-01T10:21:00.000-08:00

Things I loved about going to Grandma Nelson's house as a kid:

1. The constant presence of lefse, butter, and sugar.
2. The smell of coffee, cigarette smoke, and au gratin potatoes in the oven.
3. Having aunts, uncles, and cousins constantly stopping by... Darci would sing bad 90s rock songs and Paul would tell me I'm full of baloney.
4. Playing pet shop in the living room and making cages for the animals with her couch cushions.
5. Singing ridiculous songs together: All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth, Good Morning, Bananas in Pajamas, etc.
6. Playing outside, which consisted of sneaking into Grandpa's shop and playing with the sawdust, riding bikes around and around their driveway and sidewalks, building cities in the sandbox, and eating apples off the tree by the swingset (and getting in trouble for it every time).
7. Always knowing where to find Grandpa -- in his chair in the TV room, doing crosswords and watching the soaps.
8. Playing "pool" in the basement -- which mostly consisted of rolling the pool balls across the table at each other and trying to have one of those thrilling collisions.
9. Looking at the stacks and stacks of old wedding pictures.
10. Playing with Tabitha and getting scratched most of the time.
11. Watching PBS and drinking Quik with lunch, usually served to me on a TV tray in the living room.

first lines list

2009-02-14T06:59:00.000-08:00

The first lyric of the first twenty-five songs that come up on itunes shuffle:

1. The world has turned and left me here, just where I was before you appeared.
2. Voice from the mountain, voice from the sea, voice in my neighborhood and a voice calling me.
3. I don't know your face no more, or feel the touch that I adore.
4. She was my once-in-a-lifetime happy ending come true.
5. I sailed to the moon, I spoke too soon, and how much did it cost?
6. It's might dark for me to travel, for my sweetheart, she is gone.
7. We all need to feel secure, we're so middle class.
8. Sonando, para bailar cosa es cha cha cha.
9. We come from the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
10. Big pain burning now, giving me a cow.
11. Out in the west Texas town of El Paso I fell in love with a Mexican girl.
12. Something's been going on and I don't know what it is.
13. The warmth of your love's like the warmth of the sun, and this will be our year, took a long time to come.
14. I'm tired of waiting in this hollow state, pushing aside things I want to say.
15. Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear.
16. Dreamt I was dead, sleeping in your bed, floated up from the ground and looked down.
17. Everybody groove to the music, everybody jam.
18. They call you Lady Luck, but there is room for doubt.
19. Any day now you'll call me up on the phone, say you love me more than you ever did before.
20. Hey you out there in the cold, getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me?
21. And the world looks just the same, the history ain't changed.
22. I feel like I've been locked up tight for a century of lonely nights, waiting for someone to release me.
23. I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles.
24. You know Dasher, and Dancer, and Prancer, and Vixen, Comet, and Cupid, and Donner, and Blitzen.
25. I put on my overcoat and walked into winter, my teeth chattered rhythms.

month list

2009-02-09T20:23:00.000-08:00

My favorite months in ascending order:

11. August - Hot, long, boring, ends summer. Although we do usually get some sweet thunderstorms...
10. November - Grey, wet, and cold. Also way too long. Thanksgiving is the one good day in this forsaken month.
9. February - Cold and dead. Also, Valentine's Day is the like the worst holiday EVER.
8. March - Actually, in Kansas March is okay, but in Minnesota March is awful because you've been stuck in winter since the end of October and by the time March rolls around you will literally murder someone in exchange for a little warmth and sunlight. March Madness is fun, but only when KU doesn't choke.
7. July - I hate how everything dries up in the heat, but I love love love being on the lake, grilling out, and having bonfires.
6. December - When I'm in the mood for it, the holiday season is pretty wonderful. This is also the only month when snow seems pretty to me. Not to mention all the crafts and baking!
5. September - I'm a sucker for going back to school. New notebooks and crisp fall air = happy me. Plus you get those awesome Indian Summer days.
4. June - By far and above the sweetest summer month. Flowers, green, and academic freedom.
3. May - Speaks for itself, right?
2. April - Like May, but with better weather and fewer finals.
1. October - Come on people. Halloween and my birthday, plus awesome weather and fall foliage? Thank you.

(P.S. I left one month out on purpose. I friggin' hate January.)

drink list

2009-02-05T21:19:00.000-08:00

Good things to drink:

1. Miller High Life on Fridays at Harbour Lights

2. Cosmopolitans

3. Hot chocolate and brandy

4. Spiked apple cider at the Pig

5. Guinness

6. Boulevard Wheat

7. Leinenkugel's Honey Weiss

8. Whiskey on the rocks

9. Cabernet sauvignon/merlot

10. Margaritas, but only in the summertime

11. Gin gimlets

children's books list

2009-02-04T21:07:00.000-08:00

My Favorite Children's Literature (in no particular order):

1. Amelia's Notebook by Marissa Moss

2. The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales by Jon Scieszka

3. The Mitten by Jan Brett

4. Harold and the Purple Crayon by Crockett Jackson

5. The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss

6. Animalia by Graeme Base

7. Miss Nelson is Missing! by Harry Allard and James Marshall

8. Santa Mouse by Michael Brown

9. Any of the Little Golden Books, but especially The Poky Little Puppy by Janette Sebring Lowrey

10. Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

11. Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans

cute list

2009-02-02T20:24:00.000-08:00

New format for 2009: lists only.

List #1: Cute Things

1. Baby Jay
2. Old men who wink at me
3. Anthropomorphic food items
4. Michelle and Barack
5. Pinky fingernails
6. When pets have people names, such as a dog named Abraham, a fish named Betty, etc.
7. Catching couples make eye-contact across a room when they think nobody else is looking
8. Kids in anime films and television shows
9. Lower-case cursive letters
10. Kitchen appliances that are animal themed, such as a rabbit toaster-cozy or a penguin tea timer
11. Northern accents

Pictures from my five hour wait at the Denver Airport:

neko

2009-01-08T20:49:00.000-08:00

How's hope feeling today
Tired and sick of this place
Red wine is fast
At the lip of your glass
Saying I'm going to ruin
Everything
Everything
So its better my sweet
That we hover like bees
'Cause there's no sure footing
No love, I believe

jello salad

2008-12-27T22:39:00.000-08:00

Families are weird. How can I go out and create my own life without completely estranging myself from everything and everyone I've ever known and loved? I can see what I want, and it does not line up with how they live. I love living in a city. I love being active outside, riding my bike everyday, and running and walking and swimming and... well, you get the idea. I love supporting my local community, but only if that community embodies ideals that I truly believe in. I like having really nice things, rather than just buying the cheapest option. I love eating healthy, healthy things all the time, and saving indulgences for foods that are worth it. (Okay, okay, with some McDonald's thrown in here and there... but those fries are so worth it.) I love good wine and hate cheap beer. I like to connect with people by talking about books, art, music, politics, and how generally f-ed up the world is and how we ought to be fixing it. I like to feel smart and conscientious, and I want to be understood as a classical musician. Most importantly, I want to be surrounded by people who aren't going to make fun of me for wanting all of this. I love my family, but after reunions only make me feel more and more alone. I know that plenty of people go through this at my age, but I still haven't heard a solution that I think will work for me. Ultimately, I'll admit it, this boils down to money. But really, I don't think it's the amount of money spent but the way I would choose to spend it. Different priorities. I'll also admit that my concern is not so much for my family as it is for me; I don't want to end up alone. If I go the way of my family, I end up being with people that I don't respect or relate to. If I find friends and a husband who reflect my new lifestyle, I'm separating them and myself from my family.

Well, anyway. I got a new camera! Look look look:

christmas cookie extravaganza!

2008-12-21T23:04:00.000-08:00

My list of Christmas Treats 2008, either done or to-be:
(and no, these are not pictures of my actual cookies, but they come close!)

Moravian Ginger Cookies

Almond Bark Pretzels and Butterscotch Haystacks

Peanut Butter Blossoms

Marzipan Cookie Snowmen

Oreo Ice Cream Cupcakes (Brytan's Special Request)

Popcorn Balls

Cream Caramels

Raisin Bars

I'm sure some oatmeal chocolate chip will be thrown in there somewhere, but do you guys have any other suggestions?

ignore this one

2008-12-13T22:51:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this all out so it doesn't seem so bad:

Sunday:
- practice for at least 3 hours
- work out
- study for Western Civ final for at least 2 hours
- write half of my 18th Century Counterpoint final composition

Monday:
- practice for at least 3 hours
- work out
- play for trombone jury
- study for Western Civ final for at least 2 hours
- write other half of 18th Century Counterpoint final composition
- teach 2 lessons
- attend and oversee my students' first piano recital
- rehearse with vocalists for juries

Tuesday:
- practice for at least 3 hours
- work out
- play for vocal juries
- study for Western Civ final for hours and hours and hours
- go over final composition with Holmberg
- attend and oversee my students' second piano recital
- write up pedagogy final

Wendesday:
- turn in final composition
- turn in pedagogy final
- take Western Civ final
- collapse and die, then come back to life and continue with my day
- play my jury
- teach 4 lessons
- pack for winter break

Thursday:
- drive home!
- attend rehearsal for Laura and Nathan's wedding!

Friday:
- the wedding!
- finish (er... start and finish) Christmas shopping

Oy.

at least someone's got it right

2008-12-02T06:51:00.000-08:00

"In Venice, we know how to live with high water."

cheer-up time

2008-11-19T21:02:00.000-08:00

Bathroom Break - video powered by Metacafe

things never change

2008-11-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

I am so so so in love with him and I have no idea why.
No but seriously. Look at him. Watch him on screen. Note his endless role list.

Heh. This is silly.
Good.

in order to fill my two-posts-a-month quota

2008-11-09T07:54:00.000-08:00

I am officially the cookie queen. I made a batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies yesterday, and after one bite, my world had been changed forever. I altered a recipe from Debbie Fields to have a little more chocolate and a little less flour and the results were better than anything I could have imagined.

I also am getting way better at completing to-do lists on time. Sometimes even ahead of time, forcing me to add more things to do so I don't sit around twiddling my thumbs and pining for accomplishment.

Other recent thrills include Obama's election, and some gorgeous, crisp, cold and blustery November weather. Life has seemed so delightful lately, but it's hard to think of specific reasons why. Take last night, for example. I finished making my cookies, then went to Vance's for homemade stew, cornbread, and apple crisp plus a few rounds of Catch Phrase, and I wound it all up with two hours of piano practice in my school's recital hall, which at night is dark and abandoned and perfectly open and attuned... when else can you play the final note of a piece and listen to the entire decay of the reverberation? I went to bed feeling exhausted and full and so peaceful.

Now, don't get me wrong. Many parts of my life are crazy/messed up/stressful, and I definitely do not feel quite so zen all the time. I just like to highlight when things get particularly good. It's like when you underline passages in a book as you're reading it. Even if you never return to that book again, at least you've taken note as it passes you by, saying, "Hey wow, this is pretty wonderful."

i am so ready for this

2008-10-30T04:57:00.000-07:00

strange things are happening to me

2008-10-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

I guess I must be getting older. I've been doing weird things lately: dieting, going to bed early, reading the news, listening to talk radio, skipping parties to hang out with my family, collecting recipes, using coupons, wearing heels, etc. etc. etc. I'm even making my future a priority. I save money, I spend Friday nights in the practice room, I make timelines for grad school applications. Strangely, I think it's paying off. For the first time in a long, long time, maybe ever, I feel open. As in: open to the future and what it will bring, open to the people around me and what they have to offer, open to acceptance of life's contradictions, open to comfortably viewing myself as I really am. By no means do I claim to have it all figured out... I just like where this is going, that's all.

Other tid-bits you might be interested in:

I played in the Undergraduate Honors Recital last Wednesday. I was really proud of myself for even making it into the auditions. The picture is of me all gussied up about half an hour before I went on stage. Can you tell I'm horribly nervous? Because I was. Thankfully, the performance went really well. Slowly, I conquer my demons.
My birthday is on Sunday (hence this post about growing older). I'll be the possessor of twenty-two years. What an awful number -- I've always been a fan of odd numbers, and double digit evens is never a good sign.
October is a fantastic month.
I am going to Denver with one of my best friends, Dave, on the 24th. We're driving his moving van to his new apartment, and I plan to visit the campus of UC Boulder, a potential grad school, while I'm out there. This also may include visiting friends from Brevard -- hooray! I'll probably fly back on Sunday night. Speaking of which, did you know flights from Denver to Kansas City are scandalously cheap? We're talking less than the cost of gas. United Airlines, as much as I hate it, has come in good for something.
I want to share my latest online addiction: Tastespotting.com. I literally check it as often as I check my e-mail, and bookmark at least three recipes every time. Oh, to be a foodie.
This election and the current world-wide financial crisis, while sucky, are really exciting to me. I love feeling like I'm living in the midst of history (which may seem stupid and self-evident, but you know what I mean). I got my absentee ballot in the mail yesterday and I was pretty thrilled.
I've been spending more time at home than usual as of late, and have gotten the chance to hang out with my roommates more, which has been very, very nice. I'm lucky to live with such pleasant people.
One last thing. This photo.

101 reasons to love the midwest

2008-09-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

(stolen from Midwest Living Magazine)

1. The absolute, unspoiled solitude of the Nebraska Sandhills.
2. The stranger who helps dig you out of a snowdrift.
3. Chicago.
4. Norton wine. Cheers to the overall growth of Midwest vineyards, and to this product of a Missouri grape, in particular, for the worldwide praise it's won.
5. Low cost of living.
6. Motown. The funky, soulful music style was born in and named for our very own Motor City (a.k.a. Detroit).
7. The Indy 500 -- the world's greatest rev fest.
8. The ethereal swoops and swirls of the Northern Lights.
9. Iowa pork chops.
10. Art festivals. The Art Fair SourceBook annual ranking consistently puts half of the nation's top 10 right here.
11. Mount Rushmore in the Black Hills, South Dakota.
12. Valleys erupted in full fall color set against a clear, blue autumn sky.
13. Big yards for kids to play in.
14. Real people. Real friends.
15. Storytellers, such as Mark Twain, James Thurber, Jean Shepherd, Garrison Keillor and more, skillfully weaving logic and humor into their Midwest-rooted tales.
16. Kansas' Flint Hills -- North America's largest remaining tract of original tallgrass prairie.
17. Potlucks loaded with delicious hotdishes.
18. Not quite the center of the universe, but still impressive: Rugby, North Dakota, is the geographic center of North America.
19. Corn on the cob drenched in golden butter.
20. A notable (and comfortable) lack of pretension.
21. Green Bay Packers fans.
22. Buggies clip-clopping along blacktop highways in Ohio, home of the largest Amish population in the world.
23. The electric green of spring.
24. Garden-fresh tomatoes, so red and ripe, theyre near bursting.
25. Still, silent, frozen lakes.
26. The Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota -- the U.S.'s biggest indoor shopping area.
27. Wisconsin Dells and its successful integration of new water parks and golf courses with old standbys like the Ducks and the Wonder Spot.
28. Our green thumbs. We fully appreciate the plants that thrive in our midrange growing zone. Research shows that Midwesterners garden more than people living in other regions.
29. Real, distinct seasons.
30. The Big Ten and the Big 12. Great universities; great teams.
31. Biking the Midwest's scenic trails, such as Missouri's Katy Trail State Park, a stretch of small towns and river views that's the longest rails-to-trails project in the country.
32. Broadway shows sans Broadway prices. Tickets to major productions are often 50 percent cheaper here.
33. Hoosier basketball.
34. A solitary oak tree towering over shimmering prairie grasses.
35. Iowa native Grant Wood and his famous, oft-parodied, painting American Gothic.
36. The International Peace Garden, on the border between North Dakota and Manitoba, Canada.
37. Rhubarb's sweet/tart combination in any form, from pie to crisp to muffin.
38. Extensive homeownership, thanks to some of the lowest average home prices in the country.
39. Small-town July Fourth parades.
40. Nights lit by a full moon reflecting off a blanket of untouched snow.
41. Omaha Black Angus steaks.
42. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio.
43. Island magic, from the rugged bluffs of car-less Mackinac, to the sweeping dunes of the Manitous, to the wooded beauty of Madeline.
44. Long, flat, straight roads under a wide-open blue sky.
45. Kansas City barbecue.
46. The Great Lakes.
47. State and county fairs: blue-ribbon winners, midway rides and superbly bad-for-you food on a stick.
48. Laura Ingalls Wilder.
49. Wacky winter festivities, like frozen turkey bowling and polar bear dips.
50. Topographic diversity, from rolling hills to open plains, the Ozark Mountains to the north woods.
51. Outdoor concerts. Lawn chairs, picnic baskets, and a symphony echoing through balmy summer nights.
52. Tasty regional specialty foods, including Nebraska's Runzas and Michigan's pasties.
53. Sitting, safe, before a crackling fire, as winter winds whip outside.
54. Lake-caught delicacies, such as Michigan whitefish and Minnesota walleye, plus events they inspire, like fish boils in Door County, Wisconsin.
55. Short commutes.
56. Drugstore soda fountains. Small- town, Norman Rockwell-esque destinations where coffee is sometimes still just a nickel.
57. White-steepled churches poking above oceans of fields.
58. Two awesome beer hubs: St. Louis, which gave the world Budweiser et. al., and the entire state of Wisconsin, where legacies include brews from Miller to Leinenkugel to Sprecher.
59. Spam. Minnesota's own bit of kitsch in a can, (in)famous worldwide.
60. Canoeing the Current River in Missouri, with its clear-running waters and spectacular bluffs.
61. Celebrations of Native American heritage, from present-day powwows to awesome tributes, such as the Crazy Horse Memorial in South Dakota.
62. Fresh Air
63. Our storied work ethic.
64. Bald eagles. The Midwest is arguably the best place in all the lower 48 to see our national bird.
65. Plenty of Claes Oldenburg's way-larger-than-life sculptures, including Shuttlecocks (Kansas City), Free Stamp (Cleveland), Spoonbridge and Cherry (Minneapolis), Plantoir and Crusoe Umbrella (Des Moines).
66. Fresh water -- one of the largest concentrations in the world.
67. Farm markets. They always offer the freshest bounty, whether right in the city (like on the state capitol grounds in Madison, Wisconsin) or along a remote two-lane road.
68. White Christmases.
69. Rich, starry nights and places where you can appreciate them.
70. Great golf. Despite our condensed season, we cater to our links-loving population with the most courses per capita.
71. Cheers rising from Little League games in neighborhood parks.
72. Dried cherries from Michigan's orchard country.
73. Lilacs. Their soft color and sweet spring scent unexpectedly wafting through the window.
74. The Mississippi River, which begins as a trickle tucked into Minnesota's Itasca State Park, then spends the bulk of its mileage carving through the Heartland's wooded valleys, big cities and historic small towns.
75. Sun-warmed skin that smells of sunscreen, mosquito spray and barbecue smoke.
76. The Cubs. Just because.
77. Branson, Missouri, "Live Music Show Capital of the World."
78. Open, quiet space.
79. RAGBRAI (the Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa). This weeklong event is among the longest, largest and oldest bicycle tours in the world.
80. The Wild West feel of North Dakota and South Dakota, with their buffalo, Badlands, cattle ranches and frontier towns.
81. The sweet, spicy aroma of freshly mown grass.
82. Minnesota's Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness. With more than a million acres of pristine woods and lakes, most motor-free, it's one of the best places to experience nature's raw beauty.
83. The Gateway Arch in St. Louis.
84. The Buckeye Trail. Ohio's nearly 1,300-mile hiking trail offers views ranging from a Lake Erie beach to suburban Cincinnati.
85. Front porch chats with neighbors.
86. History taught via re-enactment at places such as Indiana's Conner Prairie, where learning about the past seems like time travel.
87. Great ethnic neighborhoods and towns, from the Mexican enclave of Pilsen in Chicago to the Czech town of Wilber, Nebraska.
88. Cheese. Of course, Wisconsin overflows with delicious curds, but don't overlook other standouts, such as the Swiss from Ohio's Amish country and the renowned Maytag Blue from Newton, Iowa.
89. Snow days.
90. Tailgating. Nothing like sparking up the grill and breaking out the cooler with other diehard fans in the stadium parking lot.
91. Henry Ford, who brought the automobile to the masses and rooted the car-making industry firmly in Michigan.
92. Fireflies at dusk in the backyard, and hopeful kids with Mason jars chasing the unpredictable glow.
93. Sipping coffee at a sidewalk cafe on the Plaza in Kansas City.
94. Midwest common sense.
95. Door County, Wisconsin, straddling Lake Michigan and Green Bay, for its draws, such as sunset beach walks, cherry picking and antiques stores.
96. Not one or two, but three of the country's biggest balls of twine (in Kansas, Minnesota and Missouri).
97. The Impressionist gallery and the centuries-old coats of armor at the Art Institute of Chicago.
98. Historic lighthouses.
99. The way the sky darkens, the crickets chirp louder and the air turns warm and tense right before a summer afternoon thunderstorm.
100. Michigan's Upper Peninsula -- in summer, whispering pines and lapping Great Lakes; in winter, snowmobiling and ski slopes.
101. The secure feeling of knowing you live in a place where you feel completely at home.

summer reading list report

2008-09-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

The official list, seeing as it's September (!!!) with helpful links and insightful commentary thoughtfully provided by yours truly.

- Faking It: The Quest for Authenticity in Popular Music by Hugh Barker and Yuval Taylor - Mildly interesting, but really could have been written better considering the appeal of the topic. Honestly, I read this so I could better debate with my boyfriend, the indie-music aficionado.
- Cartesian Sonata and Other Novellas by William H. Gass - The author has developed a unique and interesting writing style, somewhere in the shadows between prose, poetry, and stream-of-consciousness, and its beauty took me a good fifty pages to appreciate.
- Angels by Denis Johnson - Denis Johnson is a genius. I loved it.
- A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf - Interesting, but read it for class, not on your own.
- For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway - Not your typical Hemingway. I really really really liked the characters, which is rare -- normally I find most characters in novels pathetically flawed.
- The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis - Mind food.
- A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess (favorite #1) Just utterly fantastic. So well written, succint and beautiful and dirty and poignant. Better by far than the movie.
- The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath - Any woman around the age of 21 ought to read this, really.
- The Stranger by Albert Camus - In the past year or so I feel as though I've gained appreciation for what makes things French and what makes French things wonderful. This is a wonderful book, translation or not.
- In Cold Blood by Truman Capote - Riveting.
- Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe - Simple and graceful, like another story from the Bible you've never heard before or a modern day epic poem.
- Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour, an Introduction by J.D. Salinger (re-read) - Yeah, Salinger will change the way you think about writing.
- Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather (favorite #2) Like eating a loaf of delicious, perfectly crusty bread.
- The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers - Not as good as I had hoped, but still dense and dark. I think I need a few years and a re-read before I can appreciate this one.

Grand total: 14!

quiet new beginnings

2008-08-28T14:18:00.000-07:00

All for now.

the clarifying qualities of early morning fog

2008-08-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, the mountains. I have been getting up very early lately (usually around 7:30) in order to savor the air -- sweet, cool, moist, and best of all quiet. With every passing day it's becoming easier to savor; the six and a half weeks that seemed an eternity are almost over. I had my last lesson today with Mrs. Pridonoff, which was fantastic as usual, and my last studio class as well. Tonight I attended the last chamber music concert, and that's pretty much it for me. Crazy. Tomorrow will be spent visiting my boyfriend and my boyfriend's family in Asheville. How is that possible, you ask? Aren't they from Iowa or some far flung state like that? Actually, his brother happens to be getting married at the Biltmore Estate -- purely coincidental, but a convenient coincidence nonetheless. After our hurried reunion I'll spend tomorow night back here to watch the opera company perform their last scenes concert, then Friday I'll pack and say my good byes and watch two more fantastic concerts, one of the orchestra and one of student ensembles playing new music written by the composers here. Then Saturday morning I'm off! Not home quite yet, though... I'll spend the rest of the weekend with my aunt's family in Nashville and then finish the drive Monday. Definitely dreading that long long long drive across Missouri but the pay-off will be worth it: HOME!

Seeing as this will probably be my final blog from Brevard, I feel as though I ought to say something about what I've learned here, but it's hard for me to summarize something that hasn't quite wrapped itself up yet, especially when it comes to my own inner, personal growth and development. What I can do is copy and paste a bit from an e-mail I wrote recently, though: "I know, can already see, that I have grown as a musician. I understand my playing better and what I need to do to improve it, I have learned to play tons of literature and listened to sooooo much more, I've gained understanding of what it means to have a career as a musician, I've lost some of my fears of live performance, I've gotten to know incredible players my own age and worked under even more incredible teachers, I've added to my list of qualifications for grad school and what I look for in a teacher, I've gleaned ideas to influence my own teaching style... I could go on but I think you get the idea." In addition to all of that, I think I've changed my mind (once again) about what I want to do within this crazy world of professional music. I won't say just yet what my ideas are, but I think they're forming solidly in the back of my brain and will be ready to act upon very soon.

You know, despite all my complaining, and I've done a lot of it, I think I just might miss this place. See you soon.

mood swings of mountain weather

2008-07-26T06:31:00.000-07:00

I don't have much time for a substantial entry -- rehearsal in twenty minutes -- but a few important things went down this week I wanted to let you know about.

First of all, I had my lesson with Elizabeth Pridonoff yesterday (finally) and it was just incredible. In studio class on Wednesday we all had a wonderful discussion about why we are here and why we are musicians and it really got me thinking. In the past year I have been doing a lot of questioning in that same vein: Can I really make a living in music and be happy with myself and my life at the same time? I don't want to have to overwork to succeed, but I don't want to be unsuccessful, either. Basically, all my thinking and talking to other musicians and talking to my family/friends and that discussion and my talk with Mrs. Pridonoff culminated in a personal epiphany of sorts; I've realized that I can do music and still acheive a balance. My life is what I make of it. Along with that epiphany comes the realization that I really need to go to graduate school if I'm going to make success as a musician plausible, which means this coming year is going to be very stressful and busy and full of big decisions.

But of course my lesson wasn't all just talking, we played some music too. I played the first movement of my Beethoven for her and she offered some very helpful suggestions. It was almost a surreal experience... she is so incredibly similar to my first two piano teachers in personality, musical outlook, and teaching style. It was like going back to my childhood. I really enjoyed it, and it made me feel very inspired and truly excited to practice for the first time in a long while. Her technical suggestions, especially, made a lot of sense to me. Donna Lee's suggestions were good for someone with hands and arms like hers, but they felt for the most part very unnatural to me, and I think Mrs. Pridonoff can help me return to my own personal comfort at the piano.

I'm running out of time! Quickly, other things I did this week:
- Took a spur of the moment trip to the Blue Ridge Parkway, and went hiking to look at waterfalls and mountain overlooks and trees trees trees everywhere. It was just gorgeous.
- Rehearsed with the gigantic (120 people!) choir for the Carmina Burana performance we're giving tomorrow afternoon with Keith Lockhart, conductor of the Boston Pops!
- Played for the Board of Trustees dinner with a singer and got to schmooze a bit afterwards. I've found that for the most part the older people get the more I enjoy talking to them, so I had a good time.

Okay, truly have to go RIGHT now. More later, hopefully!

caffeine will see me through

2008-07-17T09:26:00.000-07:00

The nature of life at Brevard creates a strange atmosphere sometimes. Good strange, I mean. For example, I was eating alone at lunch today (I was a little earlier than usual and it the cafeteria was pretty empty) when I noticed none other than Andres Diaz sitting at the opposite end of the table. These things happen a lot -- famous and ridiculously talented people like Diaz mixing right in with the students in the midst of their day-to-day. For those of you wondering who this dude is, check this out. The trio mentioned in that link, the Diaz Trio, gave a concert on Monday night that was by far and above the best concert I have heard since I got here. They played some Dohnanyi and some Kodaly (early 20th century Hungarian composer... very folksy and awwwwesome). But they opened with Andres Diaz doing a solo Bach cello suite which just... blew me away. And that isn't easy to do with solo anything, especially something as antiquated as Bach, but it was so full of personality and beauty! I couldn't even see him as he performed because I had walked in last minute, too late to find a seat, and had to hide around a corner just to hear him. His performance made me so excited about playing Bach that I decided to play my partita for Donna Lee at my last lesson with her the next morning, and it was well worth it; we had the best time together, both of us throwing our hands around like wild women and exclaiming about Bach's genius.

Speaking of Donna Lee, I have decided that I really like her, as a person, a performer, and an educator. All of my complaints about inefficiency put aside, I think she is very talented and kind, and I would love to work with her again in the future. My next teacher, Elizabeth Pridonoff, gets here on Saturday, though, and since she's the reason I came here I am naturally very excited to meet her and play for her.

This week has been very, very busy, and the next few days are the culmination of it all, so I'm feeling the pressure! Tomorrow I am premiering a new song in an afternoon recital, and then that evening I am playing the synthesizer part in a piece for the Transylvania Symphonic Orchestra (one of the high school orchestras here). On Saturday I play for three competitors in the concerto competition, which will be terrifying -- orchestral reductions are so hard. And on Sunday, if any of my instrumentalists make it I will be accompanying them in the finals, which are a public performance. Wish me luck, because I will need it.

gravel in my sandals

2008-07-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

This week has been going so so so well. The pages of my daily planner fill up with incredible speed, between rehearsals, practicing, concerts, lectures, master classes, running, reading, and meals. It feels really good, though, to see how much I am accomplishing. Here's a list of my current repertoire:

Solo: Beethoven's Sonata No. 27, Op. 90 in E minor; Bach's Partita No. 3 in A minor
Concerto reductions for the competition in 9 (eek!) days: Richard Strauss's Oboe Concerto in D major; Mozart's Oboe Concerto in C major; Tchaikovsky's Cello Variations on a Roccoco Theme
Chamber Works: Debussy's Violin Sonata; Beethoven's Violin Sonata No. 4, Op. 23 in A minor
Orchestra parts: John Adams's The Wound-Dresser; Saint-Saens's Organ Symphony

Oy... so much music!

My second lesson with Donna Lee went much better than the first. I think it helped that I am now feeling much more at ease with myself being here, and I also came in with specific questions so that our lesson time was very focused and efficient rather than filled with lots of fluffy talk. Unfortunately I can't really focus much on my solo rep, for obvious reasons! I have noticed that the increased amounts of practice time haven't put as much strain on my arms as I had been expecting. In fact, I feel much more at ease at the piano than I ever have before. Let's hope that feeling continues.

Yesterday was an especially fantastic day. The first part of the week was very mentally exhausting so I took the entire day off and drove to Asheville. I shopped and ate delicious food and walked everywhere downtown. Asheville is a very interesting city with an incredibly diverse population and beautiful archictecture, not to mention the mountains that surround it. The best parts of my day: spending an hour in a bookstore waiting for the rain to stop, eating sea-salt dark chocolate caramels from a chocolate shop, and ending my day with an escape into the hushed and beautiful St. Lawrence Basilica. I also discovered what may well be the greatest antique store known to man -- huge and full of clutter but none of it junky, just intriguing and quirky. And after spending such a wonderful and selfish day, I feel much more energized and excited about the things I am doing here.

I wish I could write longer, but I should go practice!

spiders have eight legs

2008-07-04T06:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's already the Fourth of July... that means I only have thirty-eight days left in this place! (Well, plus the two to three days of driving time to get back to Lawrence... heh.) Now, I realize that a countdown is usually a sign of anticipation and also a sign that I feel what's to come is better than what I am experiencing currently, and in a way that's true. I really miss my daily summer routine back home, and I hate the fact that I'm not going to be able to come back to Minnesota this summer to see people. I miss teaching, I miss riding my bike, I miss cooking, I miss my friends and our bar, I miss my roomies, etc. But at the same time, I am specifically counting down the days I have left at Brevard as a kind of personal challenge: How much learning and music-making can I possibly fit into thirty-eight days? Can I handle practicing four or five hours every single day? How many pages of music can I learn in that time? How many friendships can I forge and establish? How many professors can I learn from and get to know? If I am going to be here, I am going to be here, you know?

I had my first lesson with Donna Lee on Tuesday. To be honest, it was a little frustrating. We went over the first movement of Beethoven's Sonata Op. 90, and she spent a lot of time dealing in images and musical metaphors ("Your arm is a super ball!") rather than specifically adressing my musical and techincal problems. It felt extremely inefficient as a teaching style, and I walked out feeling unmotivated and a little depressed -- I missed my old teachers a lot! But after I sat down for a practice session on the sonata I discovered that she had managed to communicate a good deal of helpful technical advice -- specifically the idea of suspension in my forearms and the shape of my fingers during fast passages -- that made a real difference in the way I played the sonata. I am very interested to see how our next lesson goes, now that we've gotten to know each other a little bit and figured out our dynamic.

As far as other teachers here, Dr. Douglas Weeks from Converse College gave a master class on Wednesday that I enjoyed a great deal. He's one of those teachers who can't help but show his genuine excitement for the music and for teaching it to his students. And of course, his own playing is superb -- he accompanied the Moszcowski violin duet on a recital this week and showed not only his technical chops but also his musical sensitivity. I find it interesting that such a talented man ends up at a tiny little school like Converse College but such is life.

I am starting to make some good friends here, which keeps me busy when I'm not practicing. It's also nice to talk to people because they are from schools across the country, and they can offer me an insider's perspective on the programs they've been involved in. It's a great way to research for graduate schools.

As far as my plans for today... there's a pops concert at 2:00 with all the stereotypical Independence Day bullhonky (Stars and Stripes Forever, 1812 Overture, etc.), and I am hoping after that I can find some people to go explore around Asheville with me for a while, maybe check out the fireworks display there. We shall see. Things around Brevard don't really stop or slow down for this holiday, so hopefully I can find a way to pull people away from their instruments long enough to have at least a little fun. ;-)

By the way, I'd love to hear from anyone who is reading this -- just shoot me an e-mail or call me up and let me know how your summer is going.

settling in

2008-06-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

My third day here and already things are familiar. It seems like everyone here is an early riser, which I really appreciate -- I think my inner morning person has been waiting for an opportunity like this to show herself. After my morning run and shower I walk down to breakfast and even at 7:30 in the morning I can hear trumpets and violins echoing across the ponds and pathways.

So far it has been difficult to establish a "routine" for myself... it's taking a while for the piano department to let us know what's going on and to get a schedule rolling, but I think on Monday things will finally start up. It looks like my days are going to be very much my own; studio class, master class, and a private lesson each happen once a week, plus the intermittent chamber coaching and a weekly lecture on the Well-Tempered Clavier. But each of those is only one hour long at the most, and the rest of the day is my own. Of course there are performances I can attend almost every day (for example I saw Yo-Yo Ma last night!), but even with those I still have a good eight hours a day to spend exactly how I please. Really, it's wonderful -- I can read as much as I want, linger at mealtimes, and explore Brevard and the forest surrounding it. Everyone has been talking about how I have to go see all the waterfalls that are around here, and I really want to go whitewater rafting, so I'll have to be assertive and gather up a group of people to go do that.

By the way, I finally found out I will for certain be studying with Donna Lee and Elizabeth Pridonoff this summer, for three weeks each. I've talked to Donna Lee a bit and she seems absolutely wonderful -- sooooo friendly, and her previous students tell me she is a very gifted educator. I've also found out some of the collaboration I'll be working on, and it sounds like I'm going to be the rehearsal accompanist for the opera company's production of the Carmina Burana, as well as possibly getting a part or two in the orchestra (?), plus as many chamber sonatas as I can get my hands on. Lots of music, but I can't wait.

the salad bar's alright

2008-06-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

I am here! First thing's first: a story about my ever-faithful car, Lizzie Lou. She stuck with me through two long and arduous days of cross-country driving, and our joint efforts have brought us to a milestone of sorts. Or perhaps a mileage-stone?

I am proud of her.

As far as this place she has brought me to (Brevard, that is), I don't really have a whole lot to say. I've situated myself in my cabin, which has four rooms of four bunks each, plus a bathroom and an RA. (I'm on the upper bunk for now but I'm in the process of bargaining to change that.) It's extremely basic but not really that dirty... definitely tolerable. I am here to embrace the outdoors, after all. Plastic roofing (like swimming pool changing room style) and thin walls, cement floors, window AC units, but we DO have a refrigerator! This means that I don't have to subsist on cafeteria food alone.

Speaking of the cafeteria, I really think ours is alright. The food is basically the equivalent of a pretty decent high school lunchroom meal, and the salad bar is alright -- today they had pea pods! And anyway, it's all paid for and all you can eat. I think breakfast will be the best meal, which for me means tea and honey toast, and I definitely saw a canister of Lucky Charms.

I really like the practice facilities they've provided for us. There are plenty of grand pianos to go around, and almost all of the rooms have windows on three sides looking out into the woods that surround us. I walked around for a bit today and thought it was funny that I could watch everyone as they practiced... maybe a bit awkward, but we are performers after all. Some of the rooms are unfortunately without air conditioning which I can't imagine will be good for the instruments or the musicians.

I think my favorite part thus far are the trees. Huuuuge glorious tall green trees everywhere, and it smells like green things. Hopefully it won't be so hot all summer, though: it was around 90 today. They told me I'd be escaping the heat, so I hope they weren't lying!

I admittedly am going through a bout of homesickness on this first evening, but that's nothing unusual for me in a new place. I just need to get myself settled in and establish a little daily routine. And I am still very excited to see what this summer will bring.

time time

2008-06-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

Well, here it comes. Worries about money/school/boyfriend/family/friends/my car aside, I am leaving on Tuesday for Brevard, North Carolina, and won't be back until August... 10th? 11th? 12th? See, this uncertainty is awesome. All I know is I'll be back... sometime. When I'm good and ready.

In the meantime, there are a few ways to reach me. There's my cell phone, naturally, and you can e-mail me (binna42@gmail.com). But if for some reason you're struck with an intense desire to send me real, honest, legitimate mail, here's the address:

Brianna Matzke
Brevard Music Center
PO Box 312
Brevard, NC 28712

Or if you want to take it a step further (farther?) and send me a package via courier (like FedEx) you can use this address:

Brianna Matzke
Brevard Music Center
349 Andante Lane
Brevard, NC 28712

So go on and prove you love me. I'll be posting on this blog as often as humanly possible -- at this point I'm unsure how I'll even access the internet while at Brevard, but they can't cut us off completely, can they? More to come.

the world is fat

2008-06-08T14:59:00.000-07:00

Being healthy is a lot of work. I set a goal for myself to lose five pounds before summer heat hit fullscale, but so far it's been a failure. Issues:

- I spend 2/3 of my mealtimes with my boyfriend who, being roughly a foot taller than I, can eat three times as many calories in one sitting. Not fair.
- I also spend a lot of time hanging out with people in relaxed social situations that usually include a meal or two. Self-restriction isn't easy when those around you are stuffing their faces with deliciously disgusting food. And the alcohol (mostly beer) consumption that happens in the context of these social situations only pours on more calories and causes me to temporarily abandon my convictions about healthy eating.
- I like to exercise, especially running and biking, but doing so only wakens my appetite and weakens my defenses against overeating -- I've actually gained two or three pounds thanks to my increased summertime exercise regimen, muscle mass and otherwise.
- Healthy food is expensive and I am poor (and bad at budgeting).
- I've never been thinner than I am right now. Well, not since the age of what, like 15?
- I am fighting a lot of bad habits. I was raised in a home that did not eat healthy food, so I have to figure out for myself what is good and what isn't; I eat quickly and usually end up being a little too full; I like to snack; blah blah blah, etc.

Point being, I've hit a plateau and I'm frustrated. Seems to me that setting good habits for myself is going to take a lot of determination, and once those habits are in place it's going to set me apart from 95% of the college crowd. BUT regardless of my whining... I am going to do it. I want my body to feel good and work the way it's supposed to -- I just need some patience while it finds its way there.

to-do list

2008-06-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

A three month expanse of summer in front of me. Consider this a mental preparation:

1. Read books and books and books. For starters... The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath, For Whom the Bell Tolls - Ernest Hemingway, The Stranger - Albert Camus, Catch-22 - Joseph Heller. Pause for breath. In Cold Blood - Truman Capote, Death Comes for the Archbishop - Willa Cather, Lolita - Vladimir Nabakov, Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe. I am completely in earnest about this list!!!

2. Be as healthy as is conceivably possible. Good food and running and swimming and biking and water and sun and sleep. This also includes moisturizing. :-) Ha.

3. Exploration and adventure. Novelty. Fear.

4. Pursue friendships, help them grow roots, give them a history.

5. Embrace my time at Brevard in North Carolina. Six and a half weeks isn't that long. Imagine what can be learned in that amount of time -- music is waiting for me.

6. Write a song or two or seven. (to be posted here)

7. Drink lots of good wine, beer, and whiskey.

8. Avoid shopping. Commercialism can be overwhelming, plus I will be very poor. And I have better things to do with my time.

9. Learn to play drums and guitar. I'm half there already!

10. __________________________.