I am pretty bad at managing my money, I guess.
Frustrating, because I feel like I am relatively proactive about going after it... maybe not proactive enough, though. Proactive in Collegetown, KS is a lot different from proactive in Cincinnati, OH, and unfortunately my bank account is beginning to reflect my inability to recognize that difference up to this point.
UGH, money... it's always seemed more like a nuisance than a tool to me... my students pay me, sure, but I would do what I do without being paid if there was some way for me to not starve in the process. Being able to support yourself as a musician definitely means constant vigilance and self-promotion... you must keep your website clean and update it often to keep people coming back, you must send out e-mail asking for gigs on a weekly basis, you must advertise yourself as a teacher and always be prepared for someone to quit at a moment's notice, you must practice every single day so that your skills stay in tip-top shape, you must learn your music quickly and accurately, and even after all of that you are always always always expected to perform with passion, reaching out to the hearts of your audience members and allowing them to experience the emotions of the music you are playing...
Yeah, this is hard. But I love it. So I will just have to try harder. That's all there is.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
output
I haven't felt like blogging much in the past year or so. Nor have I journaled much, at least, not as much as I used to. I've been sitting here analyzing myself and how I have changed (for better or worse) over the past year, and the only reason I can come up with is this: When I blog, it's because I am searching for something; I feel a sense of longing and I'm not sure what it is I'm longing for so I release all of my anxiety and tension through this... this... output.
The truth is, though, that I am happy. I am exhausted most (all) of the time and I get very stressed out and angry sometimes, and there's the loneliness and the sadness and every other emotion that humans are supposed to experience, it's all mixed into the day-to-day concoction that is my life, but underneath that all runs a current of such pure JOY that I don't mind the bumps in the road. It would be boring to be in a good mood all the time, anyway.
I think that some of that joy is made possible by what I spend my days doing, what I have chosen to immerse myself in... and trust me I realize this may come across as corny or stereotypical but... music acknowledges life as it is, and it has this ability to address with bare-faced truth-telling honesty what it means to exist as a human... and I am so so so so so SO lucky to be a part of all that.
So yes, there's that.
The truth is, though, that I am happy. I am exhausted most (all) of the time and I get very stressed out and angry sometimes, and there's the loneliness and the sadness and every other emotion that humans are supposed to experience, it's all mixed into the day-to-day concoction that is my life, but underneath that all runs a current of such pure JOY that I don't mind the bumps in the road. It would be boring to be in a good mood all the time, anyway.
I think that some of that joy is made possible by what I spend my days doing, what I have chosen to immerse myself in... and trust me I realize this may come across as corny or stereotypical but... music acknowledges life as it is, and it has this ability to address with bare-faced truth-telling honesty what it means to exist as a human... and I am so so so so so SO lucky to be a part of all that.
So yes, there's that.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
welcome to california
I really love it here.
The weather's great -- tops out between 85 and 90 in the afternoons but you hardly notice from all the shade -- it never rains -- the mornings are nice and cool. My first day here was a little chilly but everything is so beautiful I really honestly don't mind. Plus there's free coffee all day at the cafeteria, so if I'm feeling tired or cold I just go grab another cup.
The trees!!! This is going to sound obvious but... they're so tall... it's like living in a great big child-filled pine-needle smelling outdoor cathedral. If you stand and look up at the tops of the trees you feel like you're being lifted up off your feet. I've noticed how relaxed I feel, and I think it's because of the trees.
Of course, the people out here help as well. Whoever did my tentmate assignment hit the nail on the head -- her name is Sarah and she's as extroverted as I am, plus she's really nice and super hilarious. We spent last night up late talking, which I'm sure drove the people around us nuts. The other piano instructor is so kind and incredibly talented -- her name is Meagan, and I think we work really well as a team. All of the other instructors and counselors are just fun, relaxed, happy people, which creates a great atmosphere for getting work done and having a great time while doing it. Even our bosses know how to push people around with smiles on their faces.
The kids have knocked my socks off, man oh man. We have ten campers aged 11 to almost 14, and you would not believe the level of musicality and intelligence they have displayed in the three days we've been working with them. We've got our first concert on Sunday, and we're currently working up a bunch of duets to perform with them. Next week's concert will be on Saturday, and hopefully for that we'll throw in a little variety -- some solos, some chamber music, and maybe even some jazz piano. And man, talk about an abundance of personality! From happy little "look-at-me" Katie to chilled-out jazzer Jack to Roman, our philosopher, we've pretty much got all the bases covered.
As far as accommodations go, it's definitely "rustic", as I was warned. We sleep on elevated wooden platforms with wooden tent-like frames which are covered with canvas, creating a little tent. I have a cot with a sleeping bag and a pillow, and nails to hang my clothes and towel on. There's a shower cabin nearby with a washer and dryer, running water, electricity, etc, and then there's also the lodge and cafeteria, which have floors and a roof and walls, although the staff always eat outside on the back deck of the lodge. I have two rooms full of electric pianos to teach on, and outside a few keyboards are also on the deck attached to those rooms. The whole camp is arranged alongside a shallow brook (they call it a river but it's not) that runs with clear, freezing cold water. On the other side of the river, which you can access by walking across a very rickety bridge, you find a really nice little bakery with pizza, bread, pastries, sandwiches, coffee, Italian soda, and beer (and wi-fi!), but it's only open on certain days of the week.
I was really worried about feeling cabin fever without a car, but thankfully all the faculty and staff like to get off campus as much as possible. Last night I went into Santa Rosa to run some errands and grab a beer, and tonight we're driving to the beach to go cliff-walking. I'll bring my camera and post some pictures as soon as I can.
So yeah, like I said. Pretty great.
The weather's great -- tops out between 85 and 90 in the afternoons but you hardly notice from all the shade -- it never rains -- the mornings are nice and cool. My first day here was a little chilly but everything is so beautiful I really honestly don't mind. Plus there's free coffee all day at the cafeteria, so if I'm feeling tired or cold I just go grab another cup.
The trees!!! This is going to sound obvious but... they're so tall... it's like living in a great big child-filled pine-needle smelling outdoor cathedral. If you stand and look up at the tops of the trees you feel like you're being lifted up off your feet. I've noticed how relaxed I feel, and I think it's because of the trees.
Of course, the people out here help as well. Whoever did my tentmate assignment hit the nail on the head -- her name is Sarah and she's as extroverted as I am, plus she's really nice and super hilarious. We spent last night up late talking, which I'm sure drove the people around us nuts. The other piano instructor is so kind and incredibly talented -- her name is Meagan, and I think we work really well as a team. All of the other instructors and counselors are just fun, relaxed, happy people, which creates a great atmosphere for getting work done and having a great time while doing it. Even our bosses know how to push people around with smiles on their faces.
The kids have knocked my socks off, man oh man. We have ten campers aged 11 to almost 14, and you would not believe the level of musicality and intelligence they have displayed in the three days we've been working with them. We've got our first concert on Sunday, and we're currently working up a bunch of duets to perform with them. Next week's concert will be on Saturday, and hopefully for that we'll throw in a little variety -- some solos, some chamber music, and maybe even some jazz piano. And man, talk about an abundance of personality! From happy little "look-at-me" Katie to chilled-out jazzer Jack to Roman, our philosopher, we've pretty much got all the bases covered.
As far as accommodations go, it's definitely "rustic", as I was warned. We sleep on elevated wooden platforms with wooden tent-like frames which are covered with canvas, creating a little tent. I have a cot with a sleeping bag and a pillow, and nails to hang my clothes and towel on. There's a shower cabin nearby with a washer and dryer, running water, electricity, etc, and then there's also the lodge and cafeteria, which have floors and a roof and walls, although the staff always eat outside on the back deck of the lodge. I have two rooms full of electric pianos to teach on, and outside a few keyboards are also on the deck attached to those rooms. The whole camp is arranged alongside a shallow brook (they call it a river but it's not) that runs with clear, freezing cold water. On the other side of the river, which you can access by walking across a very rickety bridge, you find a really nice little bakery with pizza, bread, pastries, sandwiches, coffee, Italian soda, and beer (and wi-fi!), but it's only open on certain days of the week.
I was really worried about feeling cabin fever without a car, but thankfully all the faculty and staff like to get off campus as much as possible. Last night I went into Santa Rosa to run some errands and grab a beer, and tonight we're driving to the beach to go cliff-walking. I'll bring my camera and post some pictures as soon as I can.
So yeah, like I said. Pretty great.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
obama's state o' the union addy
Thumbs up:
"From the day I took office, I have been told that addressing our larger challenges is too ambitious - that such efforts would be too contentious, that our political system is too gridlocked, and that we should just put things on hold for awhile. For those who make these claims, I have one simple question: How long should we wait? How long should America put its future on hold? You see, Washington has been telling us to wait for decades, even as the problems have grown worse. Meanwhile, China's not waiting to revamp its economy. Germany's not waiting. India's not waiting. These nations aren't standing still. These nations aren't playing for second place. They're putting more emphasis on math and science. They're rebuilding their infrastructure. They are making serious investments in clean energy because they want those jobs. Well I do not accept second-place for the United States of America."
Thumbs down (these ideas are mostly still very, very dirty energy):
"But to create more of these clean energy jobs, we need more production, more efficiency, more incentives. That means building a new generation of safe, clean nuclear power plants in this country. It means making tough decisions about opening new offshore areas for oil and gas development. It means continued investment in advanced biofuels and clean coal technologies. And yes, it means passing a comprehensive energy and climate bill with incentives that will finally make clean energy the profitable kind of energy in America."
Haha, I love his wording here:
"I know that there are those who disagree with the overwhelming scientific evidence on climate change." [insert sarcastic tone here]
Thumbs up, hopefully:
"When we renew the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, we will work with Congress to expand these reforms to all fifty states. Still, in this economy, a high school diploma no longer guarantees a good job. I urge the Senate to follow the House and pass a bill that will revitalize our community colleges, which are a career pathway to the children of so many working families. To make college more affordable, this bill will finally end the unwarranted taxpayer-subsidies that go to banks for student loans. Instead, let's take that money and give families a $10,000 tax credit for four years of college and increase Pell Grants. And let's tell another one million students that when they graduate, they will be required to pay only ten percent of their income on student loans, and all of their debt will be forgiven after twenty years — and forgiven after ten years if they choose a career in public service. Because in the United States of America, no one should go broke because they chose to go to college. And it's time for colleges and universities to get serious about cutting their own costs — because they too have a responsibility to help solve this problem."
Interesting wording here. Not health CARE reform, you see:
"And it is precisely to relieve the burden on middle-class families that we still need health insurance reform."<
Love moment:
Michelle Obama motioning for the United States Congress to "sit down". HA!
I'm not sure how to feel about this (like... ALL other discretionary government programs? and what exactly is the definition of "discretionary"???):
"Starting in 2011, we are prepared to freeze government spending for three years. Spending related to our national security, Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security will not be affected. But all other discretionary government programs will. Like any cash-strapped family, we will work within a budget to invest in what we need and sacrifice what we don't. And if I have to enforce this discipline by veto, I will."
At least he's layin' down the law like a big man.
Key point in this one --- investing in people without creating debt.... yes yes yes yes yes.... and then his points about restoring trust in the government... this is why I voted for this man:
"Rather than fight the same tired battles that have dominated Washington for decades, it's time to try something new. Let's invest in our people without leaving them a mountain of debt. Let's meet our responsibility to the citizens who sent us here. Let's try common sense. To do that, we have to recognize that we face more than a deficit of dollars right now. We face a deficit of trust — deep and corrosive doubts about how Washington works that have been growing for years."
He continues with eloquence:
"What frustrates the American people is a Washington where every day is Election Day. We cannot wage a perpetual campaign where the only goal is to see who can get the most embarrassing headlines about their opponent - a belief that if you lose, I win. Neither party should delay or obstruct every single bill just because they can. The confirmation of well-qualified public servants should not be held hostage to the pet projects or grudges of a few individual Senators. Washington may think that saying anything about the other side, no matter how false, is just part of the game. But it is precisely such politics that has stopped either party from helping the American people. Worse yet, it is sowing further division among our citizens and further distrust in our government. So no, I will not give up on changing the tone of our politics. I know it's an election year. And after last week, it is clear that campaign fever has come even earlier than usual. But we still need to govern."
I wish he would have said so, so, so much more about this, but unfortunately this is still an issue that is just too controversial to garner more than a line or two in his speech (plus there are so many other much more pressing issues):
"This year, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve the country they love because of who they are."
Lastly:
"And what keeps me going - what keeps me fighting - is that despite all these setbacks, that spirit of determination and optimism - that fundamental decency that has always been at the core of the American people - lives on... The spirit that has sustained this nation for more than two centuries lives on in you, its people. We have finished a difficult year. We have come through a difficult decade. But a new year has come. A new decade stretches before us. We don't quit. I don't quit. Let's seize this moment - to start anew, to carry the dream forward, and to strengthen our union once more."
One of the things I appreciate most about Obama is his positive attitude -- when I hear him speak, I feel reassured, calm, and safe. I am a young person just emerging into adulthood during a very turbulent time in our nations history, and honestly, it's very scary and at times extremely overwhelming. Even if I disagree with his wording on certain issues, I feel I can trust Obama at the helm. He is doing a good job as our president.
"From the day I took office, I have been told that addressing our larger challenges is too ambitious - that such efforts would be too contentious, that our political system is too gridlocked, and that we should just put things on hold for awhile. For those who make these claims, I have one simple question: How long should we wait? How long should America put its future on hold? You see, Washington has been telling us to wait for decades, even as the problems have grown worse. Meanwhile, China's not waiting to revamp its economy. Germany's not waiting. India's not waiting. These nations aren't standing still. These nations aren't playing for second place. They're putting more emphasis on math and science. They're rebuilding their infrastructure. They are making serious investments in clean energy because they want those jobs. Well I do not accept second-place for the United States of America."
Thumbs down (these ideas are mostly still very, very dirty energy):
"But to create more of these clean energy jobs, we need more production, more efficiency, more incentives. That means building a new generation of safe, clean nuclear power plants in this country. It means making tough decisions about opening new offshore areas for oil and gas development. It means continued investment in advanced biofuels and clean coal technologies. And yes, it means passing a comprehensive energy and climate bill with incentives that will finally make clean energy the profitable kind of energy in America."
Haha, I love his wording here:
"I know that there are those who disagree with the overwhelming scientific evidence on climate change." [insert sarcastic tone here]
Thumbs up, hopefully:
"When we renew the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, we will work with Congress to expand these reforms to all fifty states. Still, in this economy, a high school diploma no longer guarantees a good job. I urge the Senate to follow the House and pass a bill that will revitalize our community colleges, which are a career pathway to the children of so many working families. To make college more affordable, this bill will finally end the unwarranted taxpayer-subsidies that go to banks for student loans. Instead, let's take that money and give families a $10,000 tax credit for four years of college and increase Pell Grants. And let's tell another one million students that when they graduate, they will be required to pay only ten percent of their income on student loans, and all of their debt will be forgiven after twenty years — and forgiven after ten years if they choose a career in public service. Because in the United States of America, no one should go broke because they chose to go to college. And it's time for colleges and universities to get serious about cutting their own costs — because they too have a responsibility to help solve this problem."
Interesting wording here. Not health CARE reform, you see:
"And it is precisely to relieve the burden on middle-class families that we still need health insurance reform."<
Love moment:
Michelle Obama motioning for the United States Congress to "sit down". HA!
I'm not sure how to feel about this (like... ALL other discretionary government programs? and what exactly is the definition of "discretionary"???):
"Starting in 2011, we are prepared to freeze government spending for three years. Spending related to our national security, Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security will not be affected. But all other discretionary government programs will. Like any cash-strapped family, we will work within a budget to invest in what we need and sacrifice what we don't. And if I have to enforce this discipline by veto, I will."
At least he's layin' down the law like a big man.
Key point in this one --- investing in people without creating debt.... yes yes yes yes yes.... and then his points about restoring trust in the government... this is why I voted for this man:
"Rather than fight the same tired battles that have dominated Washington for decades, it's time to try something new. Let's invest in our people without leaving them a mountain of debt. Let's meet our responsibility to the citizens who sent us here. Let's try common sense. To do that, we have to recognize that we face more than a deficit of dollars right now. We face a deficit of trust — deep and corrosive doubts about how Washington works that have been growing for years."
He continues with eloquence:
"What frustrates the American people is a Washington where every day is Election Day. We cannot wage a perpetual campaign where the only goal is to see who can get the most embarrassing headlines about their opponent - a belief that if you lose, I win. Neither party should delay or obstruct every single bill just because they can. The confirmation of well-qualified public servants should not be held hostage to the pet projects or grudges of a few individual Senators. Washington may think that saying anything about the other side, no matter how false, is just part of the game. But it is precisely such politics that has stopped either party from helping the American people. Worse yet, it is sowing further division among our citizens and further distrust in our government. So no, I will not give up on changing the tone of our politics. I know it's an election year. And after last week, it is clear that campaign fever has come even earlier than usual. But we still need to govern."
I wish he would have said so, so, so much more about this, but unfortunately this is still an issue that is just too controversial to garner more than a line or two in his speech (plus there are so many other much more pressing issues):
"This year, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve the country they love because of who they are."
Lastly:
"And what keeps me going - what keeps me fighting - is that despite all these setbacks, that spirit of determination and optimism - that fundamental decency that has always been at the core of the American people - lives on... The spirit that has sustained this nation for more than two centuries lives on in you, its people. We have finished a difficult year. We have come through a difficult decade. But a new year has come. A new decade stretches before us. We don't quit. I don't quit. Let's seize this moment - to start anew, to carry the dream forward, and to strengthen our union once more."
One of the things I appreciate most about Obama is his positive attitude -- when I hear him speak, I feel reassured, calm, and safe. I am a young person just emerging into adulthood during a very turbulent time in our nations history, and honestly, it's very scary and at times extremely overwhelming. Even if I disagree with his wording on certain issues, I feel I can trust Obama at the helm. He is doing a good job as our president.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
french toast sunday
Sundays are the day for making and eating French toast. Especially with black black black coffee and NPR on my kitchen stereo.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
solo e pensoso
Alone and pensive, the deserted fields
I measure with steps deliberate and slow;
and my eyes I hold in readiness to flee
from a place marked by human footsteps.
No other defense I find that can save me
from the peering eyes of people;
because when laughter and cheer are spent,
from outside can be read my inner flame.
So I have come to believe that mountains and beaches
and rivers and woods know of what fibers
is made my life, hidden from others.
Yet paths neither so rough nor wild
can I find where Cupid does not seek me always
to debate with me, and I with him.
- Francesco Petrarch
Sunday, October 18, 2009
more food
No pictures this time, but here's what I cooked today:
1. Stuffed baked potatoes (I put onions, basil, and parmesan in mine...)
Definitely delicious. Oy.
Also made a run to the thrift store and got a preeeeetty necklace, two Halloween costume possiblities (Audrey Hepburn, or zombie Clara Schumann?), two glasses for my bathroom, and four new tumblers for whiskey escapades at home. Good good good good day.
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