I haven't felt like blogging much in the past year or so. Nor have I journaled much, at least, not as much as I used to. I've been sitting here analyzing myself and how I have changed (for better or worse) over the past year, and the only reason I can come up with is this: When I blog, it's because I am searching for something; I feel a sense of longing and I'm not sure what it is I'm longing for so I release all of my anxiety and tension through this... this... output.
The truth is, though, that I am happy. I am exhausted most (all) of the time and I get very stressed out and angry sometimes, and there's the loneliness and the sadness and every other emotion that humans are supposed to experience, it's all mixed into the day-to-day concoction that is my life, but underneath that all runs a current of such pure JOY that I don't mind the bumps in the road. It would be boring to be in a good mood all the time, anyway.
I think that some of that joy is made possible by what I spend my days doing, what I have chosen to immerse myself in... and trust me I realize this may come across as corny or stereotypical but... music acknowledges life as it is, and it has this ability to address with bare-faced truth-telling honesty what it means to exist as a human... and I am so so so so so SO lucky to be a part of all that.
So yes, there's that.
